Lords of the Ring Sting
The hottest peppers on the planet, bitch.
Ring sting : an unbearable, sharp stinging pain that targets the anus, caused by spicy food.Relief can sometimes be experienced using oiled baby wipes that have been stored in the freezer.
While the soothing cold and softness may alleviate the pain on your brown balloon knot somewhat, I don't want to give anyone a false sense of security.
Relief is only temporarily, and unfortunately there is no known cure for ring sting other than to just s(h)it it out.
If you wanna know about the kings of the ring sting, here's the low-down, puppets. Real talk. An experiment in fucking pain.
Try these and you can bet your pepper-sprayed asshole that you'll think twice before you consider chillies a "side dish" ever again.
Bon appetite !
Naga Morich
Bhut Jolokia
Bhut Jolokia Chocolate
Habanero Red
Habanero White
Habanero Chocolate
7-pod / 7-pot
Trinidad Scorpion
Butch T Scorpion
Bhut Jolokia
Bhut Jolokia Chocolate
Habanero Red
Habanero White
Habanero Chocolate
7-pod / 7-pot
Trinidad Scorpion
Butch T Scorpion
Naga Morich
Origin : India
Scoville Units : 800,000 - 1000,000
Just look at this bitch.
You can tell by it's rugged appearance that this infernal assjammer is loaded with rectal carnage. It's going to exact some payback on your wack ass and won't let you walk away without a limp. As far as the burn goes : WOW BABY !!! SUPER INTENSE !!! flaming hot acidic magma-mucus will jet out of your rectum and melt the dog.
Feels like : having your bootypipe harpooned with a pirate's splintery peg-leg.
Origin : India
Scoville Units : 800,000 - 1000,000
Just look at this bitch.You can tell by it's rugged appearance that this infernal assjammer is loaded with rectal carnage. It's going to exact some payback on your wack ass and won't let you walk away without a limp. As far as the burn goes : WOW BABY !!! SUPER INTENSE !!! flaming hot acidic magma-mucus will jet out of your rectum and melt the dog.
Feels like : having your bootypipe harpooned with a pirate's splintery peg-leg.
Bhut Jolokia
Origin : India
Scoville Units : 1,000,000+
Measuring a whopping 1,001,304 atomic Scovies worth of bowel-bursting assbang (401.5 times hotter than Tabasco sauce) this is the certified 2007 Guinness World Record holder. Okay, it has since been surpassed by the Naga Viper and Trinidad Scorpion T Butch strain, but that's besides the (power) point. As it stands (buffalo stance) the lethal Bhut Jolokia delivers a mighty bitchslap from which there is no escape. These things are downright diabolical. I advise you spare yourselves the torment and not to eat these pods whole. Oh sure, you can be a clever dick and not take my advice. If you fancy yourself a masochist- by all means, dive right in. In that case ...enjoy, because I guaran-damn-tee you that you will emerge from the can an hour later a broken man, in a bellowing cloud of post-apocalyptic funk and spice... Like a bow-legged assquatch with an anchor lodged in its anus.
Feels like : An atom bomb went off inside of your bunghole.
Origin : India
Scoville Units : 1,000,000+
Measuring a whopping 1,001,304 atomic Scovies worth of bowel-bursting assbang (401.5 times hotter than Tabasco sauce) this is the certified 2007 Guinness World Record holder. Okay, it has since been surpassed by the Naga Viper and Trinidad Scorpion T Butch strain, but that's besides the (power) point. As it stands (buffalo stance) the lethal Bhut Jolokia delivers a mighty bitchslap from which there is no escape. These things are downright diabolical. I advise you spare yourselves the torment and not to eat these pods whole. Oh sure, you can be a clever dick and not take my advice. If you fancy yourself a masochist- by all means, dive right in. In that case ...enjoy, because I guaran-damn-tee you that you will emerge from the can an hour later a broken man, in a bellowing cloud of post-apocalyptic funk and spice... Like a bow-legged assquatch with an anchor lodged in its anus.
Feels like : An atom bomb went off inside of your bunghole.
Bhut Jolokia Chocolate
Origin : India
Scoville Units : 1,000,000+
Another variety that has brown fruits each of which will rock your world harder than a back brain kick from the mechanical mule at Billy Bob's Honky Tonk Bar & Grill.
Feels like : being strapped to a trampoline while Hulk Hogan pogo fucks your ass with a barbed red hot poker. Unlubricated.
Origin : India
Scoville Units : 1,000,000+
Another variety that has brown fruits each of which will rock your world harder than a back brain kick from the mechanical mule at Billy Bob's Honky Tonk Bar & Grill.
Feels like : being strapped to a trampoline while Hulk Hogan pogo fucks your ass with a barbed red hot poker. Unlubricated.
Habanero Red
Origin : Jamaica
Scoville Units : 200,000 - 300,000
"Only" 300.000 scoville units you say ? Well, make no mistake. The whompin' stompin' Red habanero is well capable of making you cringe harder than when your friends find your autographed Sylvester CD stashed away in the back of your closet !
Feels like : your average timberland boot-to-the-ass
Origin : Jamaica
Scoville Units : 200,000 - 300,000
"Only" 300.000 scoville units you say ? Well, make no mistake. The whompin' stompin' Red habanero is well capable of making you cringe harder than when your friends find your autographed Sylvester CD stashed away in the back of your closet !
Feels like : your average timberland boot-to-the-ass
Habanero White
Origin : Peru
Scoville Units : 300,000
That's right, this habanero is WHITE, just like the light that is reflected off the skin off your mama's fat ass. And (speaking of bush), this is a bushy plant that reputedly has high yields of firebombs that whip a healthy dose of kinkajou ass with a belt in Jesus' name. Amen. So I sure hope you packed some clean underwear in that fanny pak of yours, buddy. Else you're just gonna have to hose your rusty water off, but tell you what : dropping those foamy ass puffs will make you late for work the next morning.
Feels like : Goodness gracious, great shits of fire.
Origin : Peru
Scoville Units : 300,000
That's right, this habanero is WHITE, just like the light that is reflected off the skin off your mama's fat ass. And (speaking of bush), this is a bushy plant that reputedly has high yields of firebombs that whip a healthy dose of kinkajou ass with a belt in Jesus' name. Amen. So I sure hope you packed some clean underwear in that fanny pak of yours, buddy. Else you're just gonna have to hose your rusty water off, but tell you what : dropping those foamy ass puffs will make you late for work the next morning.Feels like : Goodness gracious, great shits of fire.
Habanero Chocolate
Origin : Somewhere in the Carribean, mon
Scoville Units : 425,000
A true juggernaut. Possibly the hottest habanero type chilli you can find. This brown heavyweight is hot enough to make you want to administer a milk enema. The blazing pain shooting through your battered poop chute is such, that you may find yourself crawling to the freezer, scuttling for a popsicle to cram up your swollen baboon ass.
Feels like : You require an anus transplant
Origin : Somewhere in the Carribean, mon
Scoville Units : 425,000
A true juggernaut. Possibly the hottest habanero type chilli you can find. This brown heavyweight is hot enough to make you want to administer a milk enema. The blazing pain shooting through your battered poop chute is such, that you may find yourself crawling to the freezer, scuttling for a popsicle to cram up your swollen baboon ass.Feels like : You require an anus transplant
7-pod / 7-pot
Origin : Trinidad
Scoville Units : 1000,000
In Trinidad, shit goes into maximum overdrive, people.
The kind of shit that renders it necesary for lunch ladies wear gloves. Packing over a million Scoville units, this Carribbean bad boy is also called the 7-pot, because it is said be hot enough to spice up 7, count 'em, SEVEN pots of stew. It is also guaranteed to light a small fire in your grandma's panties.
Feels like : someone is cauterizing your asshole shut with a butane torch.
Origin : Trinidad
Scoville Units : 1000,000
In Trinidad, shit goes into maximum overdrive, people.The kind of shit that renders it necesary for lunch ladies wear gloves. Packing over a million Scoville units, this Carribbean bad boy is also called the 7-pot, because it is said be hot enough to spice up 7, count 'em, SEVEN pots of stew. It is also guaranteed to light a small fire in your grandma's panties.
Feels like : someone is cauterizing your asshole shut with a butane torch.
Trinidad Scorpion
Origin : Trinidad
Scoville Units : 1000,000+
Look at the stinger on this pepper. that's why its called the Trinidad Scorpion. The Trinidad Scorpion "Butch T" variety has been officially recognised by the Guinness World Records as the hottest chili ever, measuring a sanity-shreddding 1,463,700 Scoville units so take heed :
You might spatter your displeasure in the porcelain bowl with a geyser of the red-hot infected runs, pop a vein in your forehead and bleed to death on the toilet.
Feels like : a razor blade enema.
Origin : Trinidad
Scoville Units : 1000,000+
Look at the stinger on this pepper. that's why its called the Trinidad Scorpion. The Trinidad Scorpion "Butch T" variety has been officially recognised by the Guinness World Records as the hottest chili ever, measuring a sanity-shreddding 1,463,700 Scoville units so take heed :
You might spatter your displeasure in the porcelain bowl with a geyser of the red-hot infected runs, pop a vein in your forehead and bleed to death on the toilet.
Feels like : a razor blade enema.
Butch T Scorpion
Origin : Australia via Trinidad
Scoville Units : 1,4000,000+
The hottest pepper on planet earth (2011).
Feels like : you just been violated by an angry Turkish construction crew who held you down while Mehmet proceeded to pound your anus with a jackhammer.
Origin : Australia via Trinidad
Scoville Units : 1,4000,000+
The hottest pepper on planet earth (2011).
Feels like : you just been violated by an angry Turkish construction crew who held you down while Mehmet proceeded to pound your anus with a jackhammer.
To learn more about anal pain, go here, or consult your proctologist
