Hey Ho, Let's Grow
OK Asslick. On to the booty action you've been waiting for !
Before you can start growing peppers, you obviously need : pepper seeds.
If your crew is worth half a shit, you'll have at least one cool homie that acts mad fly/dope/crazy fresh and grows chillies.
If not, the obvious would be simply picking up some peppers on your next beer run to the supermarket, take out the seeds and grow those.
This would be a good place to start.
Be advised to purchase seeds from a legit source rather than from individual sellers on Ebay.
Quite a few people got gypped mightily when some Numbnuts sold them (at the time) 'highly sought after, super rare' "Jolokia seeds" at 3 bucks a pop, that turned out to be regular habaneros, or some hybrid crossing at best.
Do not fall victim to the ploys of these shameless ass eaters !
Legit seed vendors tend to be serious about the quality of the products they sell. They want happy customers, so their customers come back. Getting a bad rep because the word got around they are ripping people off could be fatal for their business.
Thousands of chileheads trade seeds, and exchange growing tips on the interwebz. Simply log into a chile pepper forum in country/language of choice and introduce yourself, then ask for help. Surely there will be people out there willing to help a out novice chilli grower. That's just how we roll !
If your crew is worth half a shit, you'll have at least one cool homie that acts mad fly/dope/crazy fresh and grows chillies.
If not, the obvious would be simply picking up some peppers on your next beer run to the supermarket, take out the seeds and grow those.
This would be a good place to start.
Chillies are the gift that keeps on giving, you only need to buy the seeds once !
If you want more exotic, rarer or hotter varieties : get your hand off your pecker, stop surfing for
porn (that's nastay), and look online for some
chilli seed vendors. Numerous gardening companies specialize in all kinds of seeds including chillies, and for a
few shekels you can often find very specific strains.
Be advised to purchase seeds from a legit source rather than from individual sellers on Ebay.
Quite a few people got gypped mightily when some Numbnuts sold them (at the time) 'highly sought after, super rare' "Jolokia seeds" at 3 bucks a pop, that turned out to be regular habaneros, or some hybrid crossing at best.
Do not fall victim to the ploys of these shameless ass eaters !
Legit seed vendors tend to be serious about the quality of the products they sell. They want happy customers, so their customers come back. Getting a bad rep because the word got around they are ripping people off could be fatal for their business.
Chilli seeds can be stored for up to four years in a dry, cool and dark place, but germination rates reduce over time.
Maybe you're too broke or too much of a cheapskate to spend a few bucks in beer funds for pepperseeds, but
there is a worldwide chilehead community out there for you to tap into.Thousands of chileheads trade seeds, and exchange growing tips on the interwebz. Simply log into a chile pepper forum in country/language of choice and introduce yourself, then ask for help. Surely there will be people out there willing to help a out novice chilli grower. That's just how we roll !
Germinating the seeds
To germinate, the seeds require the right circumstances : a warm and moist environment. (Like your bootyhole).The seeds only get one chance, so we must make sure that conditions are perfect.
How to germinate chilli seeds
Ideally one would use a propagator for this, but pepper seeds will germinate in most any kind of container as long as it's moist and warm. Different people use different methods to germinate but it's all easier than squeezing the shit out of a circus dwarf.I, Sluggy the Germinator, Lord of the Ring Sting experimented using the following methods :
Make a little bed of wet paper towels or buttwipe in tupperware. Put the seeds in there, cover and keep things moist and warm.
Soak the seeds in a glass of water until they grow their first mini root will also work. Place glas on warm surface. This is risky because the water can evaporate quickly, killing your seeds.
The most succesful method is putting the seeds in some moist tissue, fold it up, and put inside a ziploc™ bag.
This way the moisture cannot evaporate, providing the humid conditions chillies like.
Placing the container or ziplog bags on top of your computer or fridge, where it's warm. Remember humidity and warmth are key factors.
Growing the seedlings
It is not light that triggers the seeds to grow (they don't have leaves). They don't need light or fertiliser.While some chilli seeds will usually germinate in a week or two, other ones (especially super hot strains of the Chinense variety) may take over a month to germinate ! You're just gonna have to be patient, so sit back, relax, and do something worthwhile, like finger your dog.
Planting the Seedlings
Once your seeds have germinated, they will have grown little "tails" and resemble little tadpoles or sperms somewhat. By now, they can be planted in a mall container or flowerpot.For budgetary resons, I use regular plastic cups with a few holes poked in the bottom for drainage, filled with garden soil.
Your seedlings will still be tiny and very delicate.
Carefully place each of them in their own cup, and cover with half an inch of soil. Moisten but don't soak with water. Don't forget to label your cup for future identification.
It would be a very good idea to cover your cup with microwave foil, a plastic sandwich baggie, or something like that, to keep things moist in there.
If they dry out they will most likely perish. I have killed hundreds of seedlings that way.
They still require warmth too. You will soon notice condensed water on the foil or plastic cover inside the cup. This is a good sign.
Soon you will notice the sproutlings emerging from the soil. Those two small leaves are not yet true leaves, and will drop later, once the seedling starts growing it's true leaves.
By this time, your babies will require light.
This is a phase where things get a little trickier.
